Just Ask Ami!



Many women and Yin energy men stay way too long in half-baked relationships because of the fear of returning to dating.

As my mentor Dr. Pat Allen says, "You marry what you date so date up. And it is your job to "duty date" have at least three prospects that you see at least once every 10 days."  Or a "spare and a pair".

The first step is to determine your own energy when you date;Yin (feminine) or Yang (masculine).  The differences are that Yang energy falls in love visually; Yin energy falls in love via the ears. Yang wants sex; Yin wants status, security and social respect.    Yang energy people can only fall in love by virtue of a mental decision.  Yin energy gets bonded by oxytocin. 

Toxic Romantic Relationships 

Toxic romantic relationships are rooted in replicating dysfunctional childhood relationships or Parent/Child Dynamics.  The type of person, either male or female will usually display the three invasive behaviors (eager, relentless and annoying) that I like to call SNiF's.

These are people that are Speedy, Needy and Freely. In other words they want to move too fast (Speedy), they need more than you can give (Needy) and they give you  too much too soon of what you don't want (Freely).   When you try to buck their system they begin to repeat toxic behavior patterns to get you under control, they become critical and demanding (Intimidators) or they try to seduce you with gifts, sex, drugs and freebies (Seducers). 

  • The Authoritative Parent (Critical Parent) is condescending and abrupt and speaks to the Passive Child (The Doormat).
  • The Permissive (Pig Parent)  is secretive, inconsistent, evasive and passive-aggressive. The Pig Parent speaks to the Rebellious Child (The Claw), the child that wants to buck the system and beat the odds.


The four basic personality signs of a loser; The Loser's Loop, are the actions of being (CASE) Condescending, Abrupt, Secretive and Evasive. 

  • CONDESCENDING: You and what you are doing is inferior, annoying and a waster of his/her time. Soon you begin to believe that you are wrong and you loose self-esteem and self-respect.
  • ABRUPT: The person aggressively interrupts you in an intimidating manner and demands that you stop talking or he/she will do something horrible. This person cuts you off verbally and physically by reciting their rules. You are beaten down with words.
  • SECRETIVE: This person withholds normal information that you need solve a problem, finish a task or create a compromise. You may be ignored. This is a person that will withhold love, affection, time and sex in order to maintain control. 
  • EVASIVE: This person always changes subjects when you ask for information or when you want to discuss resolving a problem. You never get a straight answer to any question. 


  • He only communicates via text messages or emails

We all know that guys hate talking on the phone, but if you're never hearing the sound of his voice, that could spell trouble. "If I have hung out with a girl a few times and I'm still texting or emailing her, it's just about sex for me," says Martin, 28.

Chalk it up to his lack of interest in talking with you -- and the ease of technology, a boon for lazy would-be players. He doesn't need to engage in a real conversation -- a couple of words here, an emoticon there, and he's in touch with you with a bare minimum of effort.

Keeping his communiqués to emails and texts also allows him to steer the conversation towards sex, either subtly or overtly; he can be more forward than he would be in person or over the phone since he won't have to deal with rejection directly.

  • He warns you that he's not relationship material

Some guys inform girls about their disinterest in a relationship early on with remarks like "I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet." It can be easy to think he's just being honest and may eventually come around after he's gotten to know you. But don't fall for it. Not now' means 'Not ever.'"

The upfront explanation makes it easier to break it off later. "When I just want sex from a woman, I drop hints that I can't be involved with her in a long-term relationship because my job is my number one priority," says LaRoi, 31. "Then, when I decide to stop seeing her, I reference the fact that I said it wouldn't work out early on."

Bottom line: If he says he's not boyfriend or husband  material, know that he means it.


  •  He makes too many promises


It would be easy to avoid these guys if they said things like, "I want you to come over and have sex with me -- and then disappear." Rather, guys try to woo you with what they think you want to hear.

"If all he wants is sex, he'll promise you things you haven't even thought of yet," says Coach Ami. "Men know that by talking about love, fabulous exotic vacations, babies, houses with the white picket fences, women will give up the goods. He's fattening you up for the kill." So if there's lots of talk of big future plans very early in your dates, beware.


  •  He only makes last-minute, late-night plans to see you


It seems obvious, but sometimes a guy can conceal the real intentions behind a booty call by making it sound innocent enough, citing how he's working late or has dinner plans with friends -- but that he really wants to see you. Then comes the clincher: a line like, "Can we meet for a quick drink, or maybe I could just stop by your place on my way home?"  Sure, a little impatient enthusiasm is flattering, but if he's truly into you, he'll make plans in advance. 

  • He doesn't introduce you to his friends

If you've been dating a month or more, and you still have seen neither hide nor hair of any of his coworkers, acquaintances, siblings or pals, he's likely never going to bring you home to meet the parents. "I'll introduce girls I'm genuinely interested in to my guy-friends within two to three weeks of dating," JoJo explains. "At that point I'm feeling comfortable enough with her to see what my friends think."

Don't fret if you've passed the four-date mark and you haven't yet met his Mom and Dad, though. "Some men won't introduce you to their families, because they're embarrassed by them," says Coach Ami. Still, he should begin integrating you into his life within the first six months of dating. If not, it's a sign that this guy's into getting physical... and not much else. 






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