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Happiness is a by-product of life choices. Happiness is not a goal. Not enough Americans understand this reality.

Happiness is not a fixed quantity. We are a consumer- driven culture that misleads us to think that materialism, rather than community responsibility, is the source of happiness.

Practicing habits that are nurturing and self-supportive are important to follow on a weekly basis.

Eat breakfast, drink a lot of water, stop drinking soda. Happiness is about you first, then others.   Living a richer life is connected to knowing more about what’s important to you. What are the values you want to live by?

Think of a small way to nurture creativity in your life. Just take the small steps to make it happen.We have the ability to shape our own lives. Change creates a lot of anxiety, and resistance is about maintaining the status quo.

If you have the courage to persist in a new change for a month, the probability of success increases. Keep in mind that just as in the recovery process for addicts, know that relapse is a part of it. Practice your changes with the same patience as if you were practicing a musical instrument.

Selfishness and Self-Centeredness

Selfishness-Narcissism is based in the unconscious mind and deals with the games of power: seduction and intimidation. This is a Losertude construct.

You may not realize that is how you are steering through your life because it is not conscious.

The key is to figure out if you are really enjoying enjoying yourself or if you are self-stimulating or self-sedating with food, starvation, booze, drugs, sugar, salt, sex, shopping or work (the Soft Addictions). 

With selfishness you may have many material things…money, and even power, but are you happy?   Are you living with these familiar “curses”  of Losertude that are leaving you feeling harried and discontent?

  • Be Perfect
  • Try Harder
  • Hurry Up
  • You First
  • Be Strong


Stoicism is based in the conscious mind, and utilizes healthy communication strategies. This way of living is potent and supports win/win negotiations in all areas of life. The “cures” are as following:

  • Be Excellent
  • Enough
  • Work Easy
  • Me First
  • Be Open

You have the right to be you and to live your life the way you want.    There is always another choice to make and a chance for change if you are open to it. You get to choose.   

Getting Off The Losertude Triangle


Taking responsibility for others keeps us in victim-hood and on the Losertude Triangle(TM).  Freedom from Losertude interaction is possible when we become responsible for themselves first, versus responsible for others first.   Below you will find a list of behaviors that go with these two basic perspectives.

When we are responsible for others or Losertude, we do the following:

  • manipulate
  • try to fix
  • cover for and try to protect
  • rescue and care-take
  • take control
  • demand
  • bully
  • carry their feelings
  • don't listen

When we are responsible to ourselves first  we do these things:

  • take care of our own business
  • trust them to take care of their business
  • show empathy & understanding
  • encourage & empower
  • share our experience
  • level and be honest
  • listen

When We are responsible for others first (Losertude), we feel:

  • resentful
  • exhausted
  • overwhelmed
  • anxious & fearful
  • "liable for"
  • guilt
  • obligation
  • judgmental
  • pity

Notice your feelings at any given point during the day. If you are feeling any of the negative feelings listed above, ask yourself who you are taking responsibility for before yourself?   What can you do to move towards responsibility for yourself first (Alphatude) and responsibility to them second?

When we are responsible to ourselves first we feel:

  • at peace
  • congruent (inside matches outer appearance)
  • relaxed & grounded
  • in touch with reality
  • gratitude
  • appreciation
  • acceptance
  • connection
  • FREE

The Epidemic ofLosertude

Did you know that victim-hood is a worldwide epidemic? It's true.

Everyone you know (and this includes you and me) goes in and out of a Losertude mental state all the time. We do it without even noticing.

Our language tells the tale, however. We can recognize when we are caught up in Losertude by listening to the way we talk about ourselves and others. Losertude has its roots in our Child. 

The things we say and the way we say them reflect where we are on the Losertude triangle.

These are the phrases we use most often when we are in the Losertude role on the Losertude Triangle. It reflects a sense of helpless powerlessness that comes from seeing ourselves at the mercy of outside forces.
As Losers, we say:

  • It's not my fault.
  • I couldn't help it.
  • I had no choice.
  • I had to do(say) it.
  • I was forced to say (do) it.

A key component to getting off the Losertude Triangle™ is
self responsibility first. Do you hear the lack of that reflected in
these examples?

If we want to free ourselves from a victim mentality, we must begin by assuming responsibility for our  thoughts, feelings and behavior, first.

We live in a world of cause and effect. What we experience in our
lives is a result of our own beliefs.  Understanding this allows
us to respond differently.

Taking responsibility instead of blaming others for the less
desirable outcomes in our lives frees us up to take action towards
achieving higher possibilities. Listen for the subtle ways you phrase things that keep you from taking full responsibility for your life situation.



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