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INTUITIVE COACHING AND CONSULTING

Couples and Me First Coaching

The core of love is being able to authentically be yourself with someone else and being able to open yourself up to change and growth with that other person. This is why love depends on trust and honesty. When love works, we teach each other to be better people.

Problems in life are in the extremes; this is the communication pattern of most couples. How to talk in the middle ground to solve problems is a mystery to most.

People often translate the idea of "not wanting to hurt someone" into an excuse for taking the short term easier path of silence. Switch into the long term approach of teaching someone else who you really are.

The goal would be for dialogue instead of truncated monologues which are far less interesting. Dialogue is more scary because it means you are open to change and are willing to be disagreed with. Negotiate and make fair deals instead of riding roughshod over others.

Breaking-Up and Making-Up

Many couples have a pattern of getting together and breaking up over and over and over again. This pattern is often driven by insecurities; it's one way to create drama. Drama is often a substitute for the fundamentally hard work of making room for differences in relationships.

This is a simple suggestion for couples with this pattern; don't return to each other's arms without each agreeing to two improvements and then take action on those two improvements.

Our culture has it all backwards; we don't tell the truth, using the excuse of not hurting others. Politeness builds a measure of comfort that can be dangerous to the true wrestling of differences that intimacy requires.

Remember that pain is a sign of growth. If there is no disagreement be on the lookout for a codependent relationship instead of an authentic loving relationship.  

Learn the four behavior traits that indicate that you are dealing with a pervert, a psycho or a loser.

People who operate within the "Loser's Loop" never change, it is best to run from them as far and as fast as you can.

The four basic personality signs of a loser, The Loser's Loop, are the actions of (CASE) Condescending, Abrupt, Secretive and Evasive

CONDESCENDING: You and what you are doing is inferior, annoying and a waster of his/her time. Soon you begin to believe that you are wrong and you loose self-esteem and self-respect.

ABRUPT: The person aggressively interrupts you in an intimidating manner and demands that you stop talking or he/she will do something horrible. This person cuts you off verbally and physically by reciting their rules. You are beaten down with words.

SECRETIVE: This person withholds normal information that you need solve a problem, finish a task or create a compromise. You may be ignored. This is a person that will withhold love, affection, time and sex in order to maintain control. 

EVASIVE: This person always changes subjects when you ask for information or when you want to discuss resolving a problem. You never get a straight answer to any question. 

 

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